It’s been a rough couple of weeks for M0m and our family. She’s been struggling with a urinary tract infection for the past few months which is zapping her energy and making her confused. We’ve become pretty good at recognizing her UTI’s because she doesn’t get a fever or show any signs of infection. We notice a certain “stare” or “look” about her. She also gets very absent minded and confused.
Mom was finally admitted to the hospital last week to rehydrate her and to give her an IV antibiotic treatment. We try to get the doctor to admit her to the hospital when she reaches this stage so she can get the attention she needs but it’s a hard sell if she doesn’t have a fever or show obvious signs of distress.
They only kept her overnight and released her suddenly late in the day after telling me she would be staying for a few days. It was like they suddenly needed a bed so they released her. When I arrived to pick her up she was in the hallway in a wheelchair with her nightgown on. She had an IV in her, a catheter and a plug up her nose to stop a bloody nose. She didn’t look ready to be released!!
I took Mom back to her apartment at the senior home and helped her get settled. She was totally confused and kept getting out of bed. I asked where she was going and she kept saying “I don’t know”. I finally got her to stay in bed and sat with her until she fell asleep. It was like putting my kids to bed when they were infants. In fact Mom’s acting more and more like an infant every day.
Many times over the past few days I’ve had to dress and undress my mother. There’s nothing more humiliating than a 53 year old son changing his mother’s diaper and dressing her. I guess it would be more humiliating for her if she realized what was happening to her but that part of her mind doesn’t function anymore. It’s so, so hard to watch her fade away mentally.
The next day Mom went to the dining room for lunch and took a hard fall. She hit her head requiring 3 stitches and hurt her back. They took her to the ER in an ambulance and checked her out but sent her home despite our pleas to keep her in for evaluation. She’s now in severe pain and requires 24 care. The caretakers tell us every morning that she’s not sleeping at all at night and keeps getting up and wandering around her apartment.
Over the weekend she called me and my sister over and over. It seemed like she was confused and was searching for a familiar voice. She’s struggling so much right now and there’s nothing we can do to help her except comforting her. Watching your parents grow old sucks!
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Mom called the other evening and she was very excited. She said she just got back from a great field trip with her assisted living facility and she had a fantastic time. I was so happy that she had a great time and I asked her where she went. Her response burst my bubble as I went from feeling very excited for her to very sad.
“I don’t remember what we did today but I had a great time. What did I do? Damn it I can’t remember where we went but it was a lot of fun” she said.
I asked her caretaker what they did that day and he said they didn’t leave her apartment. They stayed home and watched a playoff baseball game.
Unfortunately these memory lapses are happening every day now. They used to be occasional and slowly they became more frequent. Now the memory lapses are happening all the time. Mom’s memory is shot.
She still cares for herself and functions pretty well but we have to have someone keep an eye on her every day. She makes a total mess of her apartment every day with clothes and papers scattered everywhere. The caretaker cleans up the mess every day but within an hour it looks like a family of five came over and messes up her apartment.
It seems like Mom’s memory is getting events mixed up. She did go on a field trip to Angel Island on the ferry a few days before for a picnic. It was a beautiful day and everyone had a great day. I think she called me to tell me about the ferry ride and picnic but she called two days after it happened. In her mind the field trip happened the day she called me but it really happened 48 hours before.
It’s so hard watching Mom slowly fade away. It’s been years since I had a conversation with my real mother. The person is her body isn’t the mother that raised me. She’s just a shell of herself and struggles with remembering the simplest things. One good thing is her long term memory is still in pretty good shape. When we play trivia games she kicks our butt, quickly recalling facts from years ago. As for remembering what happened a few minutes ago, it’s so sad to watch. I pray she doesn’t live to the point where she forgets who we are. That will be so hard to deal with.
Share your stories in the Comments and tell me how you’re dealing with your fading parents.
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We went to the doctor the other day and Mom got the bad news. Her short-term memory and ability to learn new skills is only 20% of other 78 year olds. Mom has been forgetful for a few years and the mini-strokes have taken their toll. She’s very scattered and has lost her organizational skills. She can’t keep track of anything and struggles to get on the internet and to play a DVD on her television.
The doctor’s put her through a complete workup to identify the source of her headaches and forgetfullness. While it’s not Alzheimer’s, they’re treating it like it is. She’s now trying some medications to see if it will stabilize her memory and to prevent further memory loss. Her memory may improve a little but it won’t return to normal.
It’s hard watching a woman that was completely obsessed with cleanliness and neatness lose her ability to keep track of things. She’s constantly misplacing things and looking for something. She lost her wedding ring a few weeks ago and we still haven’t found it. It’s really hard to watch. It’s going to get a lot harder for us.
Mom is very healthy overall but her memory loss and arthritis are slowing her down. We pray that she doesn’t live to be 104 like her father or even 90 like her mother. Seeing her fade away for another 12 or 26 years would be really hard to watch.
Tags: Alheimer’s, getting old, , memory loss
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My mother is having a really hard time remembering things for the past couple of weeks. She’s been absent minded for a few years but nothing like she’s been since I left for vacation a few weeks ago. Something has changed dramatically and she’s really struggling to get through the day by herself because she keeps misplacing things and forgetting what she’s doing in the middle of it.
She calls me constantly throughout the day and most of the time forgets why she called. She’ll write notes to herself and misplaces the notes. She can’t keep her apartment organized and keeps losing important papers. I took over the bill paying when she was in Philadelphia and most of those bills disappeared once she moved. Now she has just a few bills to pay and she wanted to pay them herself.
I showed her numerous times how to pay them online but everytime she logs in, it’s like it’s the first time she’s seen the bill paying screen. Just a few months ago she could handle paying the bills. The other day I decided to see what was going on with her bills because I got a call from Sears about a late bill. I discovered she started using all of her credit cards again and was charging one or two small purchases on numerous cards.
We took away her cards so she could just use her debit card but she reordered the cards by herself. She had 3 cards with small purchases and now a few months of late fees. A $20 purchase is going to cost her almost $100! We’re trying to help her out but she’s getting defiant because she wants to do it herself. I encourage her to keep active and involved but she just flat out forgets to do important things.
Now she’s fighting us to let her drive her car. The doctor said not to drive until they figure out what’s happening with her memory but she’s taking the car to Long’s and other short trips. We’re going to have to take away her car or contact the DMV to revoke her license if she keeps this up. Oh Dad! We really miss you and I can’t believe how you did for her. You have to be the most patient man that every lived because Mom is ultra-high maintenance!!
Tags: seniorcare, seniors driving, memory loss, late bill payments
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My mother is officially on the road again. She ventured out to Long’s to pick up some things and made it back safely (it’s only about 300 yards from her apartment). We’re very concerned about her driving because she’s unfamiliar with the area and she’s very confused most of the time. We think she’s dehydrated, causing headaches and memory loss. I told her she needs to drink at least 8 bottles of water daily and she said there’s no way she can do that. She limits her liquid intake because she’s incontinent.
We’re going back to the doctor for more tests tomorrow. They’ve done CAT scans and brain scans and they can’t find anything wrong. Mom is very forgetful and confused most of the time. She seems to be getting worse and is starting to become defiant. Her doctor told her not to drive but she’s ignoring him. I hope we don’t get to the point of having to take away her license and keys to her car.
She wants to do her own taxes and pay her own bills but she keeps losing everything. i got a call from Sears today about a past due bill. She charged $19 on her credit card and forget to pay the bill. Now there’s a $29 late fee on top of the $19 plus interest. I really want her to take care of her own bills but she just can’t do it anymore. It’s so hard to watch. We really have to keep her off the road so she doesn’t get hurt or hurt someone else.
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